Given as my friend (and co-blogsah) is prone

to parody- one might say that parody is the sincerest form of imitation. Anyone who says otherwise

i. knows about the original phrase

ii. knows there is a f-word, i.e. flattery lurking somewhere in the dictionary waiting to be used

iii. knows how to fucking well use it

iv. can switch words in a sentence around at light-speed, or some speed slower than that.

And now, here is David Maurice

He comes, From the back of the bum of the book (also known as the Sydney Cricket Ground)... well ... mostly from the middl-y pages in scandoland, as he drives his spanking new trabant/skoda in little dribs and drabs, bumps and grinds, some hoots and toots, rarely disturbing his swag, a little bag that contains, respectively, one bed-roll, 1600 condoms, four packs of "100-fir-the-priceuv-one!" top quality hearing aids, one bottle of "ReadyMix-G&T" and one large bottle of haemorrhoidal cream.

... I will continue this farty fairy tale version of David's life (and sing waltzing matilda as well at the end) in my next post

But now I pay my respects to the British wit: A BBC commentator commenting with obvious despair at the English team as they get taken apart by some fiery South African bowling ...

5th over: Eng 5-0
Don't want to worry England fans here, but Vaughan's facing Pollock with all the success of a man waving a wet piece of spaghetti at a passing pea. Another maiden, and various fielders (ed: South African) trot past the skipper to offer a few kind words of advice

12th over: Eng 37-1
It's Bombay or bust for this pair at the moment - Strauss rocks back to Charl and batters him high over the square leg boundary for a massive six. He then gets a big edge which falls just short of first slip.

14th over: Eng 39-2
Single apiece to the batsman off Andrew Hall, and Pietersen gets a laser stare from all 11 members of the South African side. In case you're unaware of the history behind this particular showdown, Pietersen left his homeland for England because of the quota system - South African rules state that no team can field more than three massive egos in any one match

19th over: Eng 62-3
Nel fires one at Colly's nose, there's a big edge - and the ball flies just over Hall at second slip for four. Nel laughs manically. To clarify how the first England wicket fell: Bell was caught by Ashwell Prince, not the stunted musical maestro behind Purple Rain and Loxesexy.

... and the cricketers played on.